"Have you heard this growing up? What happens in this house stays in this house!"
There is so much that has shaped our adulthood that derives from our childhood. So often so that we trend this onto our own children. We hear so much about those generational traumas in past tense that we never truly speak about them when they are occurring. "Childhood trauma doesn't end when our childhood ends."
We want to believe that our mothers, fathers, grandparents, etc., meant us well as we were young but the truth is hurt people hurt people. And although they were hurting, they didn't acknowledge that hurt, understand that hurt and heal that hurt before bearing children. We all have that opportunity to end the cycle through self work. Those inflicted traumas that are given to children are often excused by those adults as either they were hurt themselves and didn't know any better, or that they did the best that they could.
But how can you excuse their actions as not just that actions, a fully aware conscious choice that not only was done but repeatedly done even after their child cried, pleaded and lost either their innocence and/or essence. This pain shapeshifts a child's self esteem, self worth and ability to form healthy boundaries and relationships as they enter adulthood.
"How can you honor thy mother and father when they haven't always honored you?"
This is so hard in the black community because scripture is often of reference to the child that they are either being disobedient or disrespectful anytime they question their mother, father or parental guardian about their experiences and point of view of the pain that was inflicted upon them. It is often downplayed and reversed making the parent the victim.
But the cycle can end today when you heal that inner child in you through acknowledging that the one that should have heard you the minute you voiced your pain, should have did everything to prevent it from ever occurring again, directly or indirectly to you. And this sometimes comes with uncomfortable conversations with the one that hurt you, or removing yourself and restricting them from having continued access to you if they gaslight you by becoming defensive, denying your reality by making you question it, or doesn't show you any change in behavior after giving their apology.
Ultimately the best is becoming that WOMAN you needed when you were just a little girl.
Remember you do not have to heal alone, build a community that enhances and supports you and your growth journey. Be sure that you are your biggest advocate and affirm yourself daily through affirmations and establish strict and clear boundaries that rebuilds that self confidence that was lost in your childhood.
It is okay to not be strong today. You don't have to bear that weight on your shoulders, lighten the load by exposing those traumas so that you heal her!
Proverbs 18:21 says “Death and life are in the power of the tongue.” The tongue can be used as a weapon to harm and destroy or as a tool to build and heal. What kind of impact will your words have?
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